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Stop shaming… Period

See? Big can be beautiful, too.

Let me start by saying that my permanent partner is a size 18 and is goddamn sexy for it. For that matter, most of my play partners through the years have been “bigger women.”

I stand almost 7 feet tall and weigh in at almost 300 pounds. I have never been into the skinny minnies, by choice – but sexy is sexy and I have been with a few of them as well. To be honest… most of my attraction is based on durability of body and spirit. At my size and my tastes in sexual activity… if she’s not sturdy, it’s not worth it…

I also disagree with the american standards of beauty. I disagree with the fact that almost of the models featured in magazine and print ads are little girls that are under-aged and sexualized by their jobs… then cast aside because they hit age 16.  I disagree with the way that the american beauty standard makes women feel. I disagree with our culture of non-consensual sexual violence…

I also disagree with how people express their desire or lack there of to people. There is no need for the rude comments, there is no need for the attacks, and there is no need for the lack of respectful behavior…

That being said… I find the current trend in shaming people for their opinions and what they find attractive to be deplorable.

I see a double standard… There are many women that have been upset by the fact that they are heavier than men like. They are complaining about the fact that they don’t appeal to the individual they have an interest in. They are complaining that the men are too shallow to find them attractive…

Yup… It’s a double standard, alright!

They are happy with themselves… which I tout and celebrate… but they are living a double standard… Many of the same people that I see complaining about this are also guilty of turning attractive men into sex objects and being just as shallow… They will drool over a man with abs. They drool over the handsome men and stair at the ripped movie stars. They make sexual comments about gorgeous men on the streets and in coffee shops…

All of this is fine and good. I feel that if someone finds something attractive, they are within their rights to pursue that…

But there is a horrible double standard in this.

Men are shallow and horrible for not finding the bigger women attractive… They are horrible people for liking what they like…

Yet, I can tell you the bigger girls… some of whom i have RECENTLY seen complain about this behavior have been as bad or worse…

I know this, because I experience it…

I am a big man. I am not what most people find attractive. Being a monster of a man, hairy, chubby with a thinning spot, quiet and suffering from crippling social anxiety…

I know this, because they haven’t been kind. They haven’t been polite about it. They haven’t been respectful.

I know this, because they have snubbed me impolitely and severely rudely in the past. I have been told that I am fat, ugly, not at all what a woman wants… I’ve been told that I should go back to my cave, that no one wants to breed with a geek, and that I am physically repellant…

They were not kind… and that is the ONLY thing that I can hold against them.

We are genetically programmed to look for things that will make good offspring… That is the ROOT of our attraction. Appearance, smell, touch, taste… We look for all these things in a potential mate/play partner… Often, the traits we seek are traits that compliment our own, and there are many things that contribute to whether or not you are attracted to someone that you won’t even realize you are attracted to about a person…

You have the right to be attracted to what you find attractive. You have the right to not be harassed because of your physicality. You have the right to say no…

But so does everyone else… he, she, other…

And if you are guilty of a double standard of being pissed because he didn’t find a big girl attractive, and yet dismissed a bigger male because he wasn’t attractive… then you need to stop complaining…

Regardless of this… even if you don’t take anything else to heart… treat them with respect… TELL THEM… “I just don’t find you attractive.” The insults and harshness of your rebukes hurt them as much as they would you.

Images in this issue SHAMELESSLY stolen from the following sources:
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgk7wqZMGQ1qewlueo1_400.jpg
http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/3460784_700b.jpg
http://a2zhomeschool.com/thesandwichedhomeschooler/files/2011/03/stop_unkind.jpg
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7006/6492689705_dddf0752c6_z.jpg

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