I just received a text from my friend Ariana.
It said: Oh god, there is a giant spider on my wall!
This instantly called up images of this something like this:
|This is a REAL picture of a REAL
spider eating a real bird.
I texted back: Arachniphobe here… no help. Throw Rocky at it. (Rocky is her cat).
Fortunately, Ariana survived. It was an epic battle and she beat the beast (literally) with a book – “Writing for a Good Cause.” You can buy it here. It is good that she defeated the spider… If it had scuttled off, we would have had to hang out at a restaurant; because I would not be able to go over there…
On a side note – after reading the first chapter of this book on the web, it seems like it might be a good read. Dry, but good… FURTHER! it is like having a sword and shield to battle the arachnid menace that threatens to destroy our planet. That and you can get it new for $11.55!
I mean, she has a bird eating, cat warding (Rocky was TOTALLY uninterested, by the way.), book devouring, eight legged monster in her apartment!
I know she didn’t ask me to come over and deal with it, but i found myself asking – “Why the hell would you ask me to deal with this thing?”
I mean these things are not natural… I think they are aliens… wrong number of eyes… wrong number of legs… they jump… and their DNA can be put in tomatoes, potatoes and goats…
Somewhere, back in the annals of time, their space-ship landed and they have just been biding their time till the day that they can invade. I just know some where out there – there is a spider the size of a Buick, like in Harry Potter!
Well… I have officially given myself nightmares for the next week or so… I’m going to go sit in the tub with a baseball bat now. Wait… they come up out of the drains, too, don’t they?!? I think I am going to sleep in a circle of burning gasoline for the next month or so.