Uncategorized

Uh, yeah? Your’e a towel.

I suck at small talk. I mean, I really suck at small talk. I really, REALLY suck at small talk. 

The following is just one example. 
Random Person Whose Name is Unimportant – “How’s life?”
Me (Cheerfully) – “Subject to entropy, chaos, decay and eventual death. How’s your mom?”
Random Person Whose Name is Unimportant – “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
And this is my life. Imagine that normal is a level line. You know the line… when you fill a cup with water, the water automatically makes a level line due to surface tension and gravity. That’s normal. 
This is me.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/patrickiven/4411225296/
As you can PLAINLY see, my level line is not the same as yours. Well… that may not be true. There is about a 99.5% chance that my level line is not the same as yours. 
The previous conversation is just one example. There are many more.
As a misanthrope, I spend a great deal of time at home. I don’t like going out in public because there are a great number of people out there. And as the term misanthrope implies (Okay – misanthrope outright says it.), I don’t really like people. 
That and going out amongst people typically requires pants. And, I have stated previously, pants are evil. This is a fact.
Recently, I went to the industry (and by industry, I mean film) holiday party. I had to use the bathroom. I sat down in the stall to do my… business. After a minute or so, another guy came in. He went into the stall next to mine. After a minute, he talked to me.
Now… to me, this was weird, but I was raised right. If you are addressed, it is polite to respond.
Guy: Hey, man.
Me: Um… hi?
Guy: How are you doing?
Me: I’m… fine?
Guy: Whatcha doin?
Me: Ummmm… That should be obvious.
Guy: Listen, Frank. I’m gonna let you go. The guy in the stall next to me keeps responding.
Is it me? Or rather, was it me? I’ll say it again… I was raised right. I don’t want to hear you doing your business, so I’m not going to talk to you on the phone while I am in the bathroom. Not only is it rude, but you don’t need to hear the magical music that my butt makes. (For the record, my butt, like Detroit, is a wondrous place. Wait… that’s not right.) 
Weird conversations abound in my life. 
Customer: How can I connect two computers… like with LAN, but without cables or a router.
Tech 1: You could use a USB cable… there are some programs that will let you do that.
Me: Have you tried glue?
– Or – 
On the bus a woman in high heels steps on my foot. She looks down at me and says, “I’m sorry. Did that hurt?
I can’t help myself… “Not at all. I’m on a local anisthetic.”
– Or – 
“Hey! You look great! Did you get a haircut?”
“Nope, it’s fall! I’m shedding my winter coat. Thank you for the compliment though.”
– or –
“Why is your hair blue?”
“Because pink si a summer color, duh!”
————————————-
I guess my point is that I see things in a different light and I’m about 5 degrees off cool. And for a misanthrope, I am damn friendly. 
I have no idea where this was going, so I’ll just say good night.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *