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| This is the kind of afternoon it was. |
Today, I spent a lovely afternoon with a close friend of mine. We’ve been talking about doing a photo shoot for the last few months. We finally got the time and were able to synchronize our schedules to get it done. While we were shooting, Nyx and I were talking, and something horrible came to light. This beautiful, strong and powerful woman has little to no self esteem.
We talked about it… a lot… And she has her reasons… they were all wrong… but she had them.
And it got me thinking. Almost every Aspie I know has problems with self esteem and I am not sure why.
In spite of the fact that we are socially awkward, odd and think in a different way than NTs do, most Aspies are attractive, lovable and capable… but for some reason, we don’t see it in ourselves.
But this is only one aspect of the issue… I have been sitting here for about an hour trying to figure out how to explain it… and honestly, this is the only thing I can come up with.
For those of you who have problems with lyrics and music… here are the pertinent lyrics…
“There are so many vampires, inside, outside, and nationwide,
it helps to recognize them with this vampire hunting guide!
Listen closely, a vampire is any person or thought or feeling
that stands between you and your creative self expression,
but they can assume many seductive forms.
I did a search for pygmy vampire… Pygmy Hippos are better
…
First up are you pygmy vampires.
They’ll swarm around you head like gnats and say things like:
Your teeth need whitening
You went to state school?
You sound weird
Shakespeare, Sondheim, Sedaris did it before you and better than you,
or they might say that you cannot sing good enough to be in a musical, or they might say:
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
…
The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair.
It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like:
Who do you think you’re kidding?
You look like a fool.
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough”
Take out the part about creative self expression and insert you and a general feeling of well being. These are the things that interfere with happiness, because when you have low self esteem, you can’t be completely happy even when everything is working out for you.
Ironically enough, I am having vampire problems as I try to write this piece… It is coming out clumsy and rambling…
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| Yes… Let’s get to the point. |
So… I’ll get to the point. When it comes to self esteem, our worst enemy resides in our head. No matter how brilliant, attractive and overall awesome we are, someone in our head tells us the exact opposite… and the problem is, we listen to them. We let this little voice inside our head tell us these vile things, destroy what value we place on our own intellect, instincts… hell… our soul…
And all of this brings me to my point. Honestly, if someone walked up to me on the street and said some of the things that I say to my self, I would slap them across the face. So… We won’t take it from others… why the hell do we let ourselves destroy us? No… don’t answer… Think about it. Seriously think about it. Why? Seriously, I can’t even begin to answer it.
So… every time you wake up… remember IALAC… I Am Lovable And Capable. Hold that close and don’t let it go. In spite of the Aspie tendency towards being disgusted in our skill level when we don’t succeed immediately at something new; in spite of the vampires chewing on our brain; in spite of our tendency towards self loathing… We are lovable and capable…
Chant it… Live it… IALAC.
Images in this issue SHAMELESSLY stolen from the following sources:
http://hdnaturepictures.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Lovely-Afternoon-In-The-Summer-1200×750.jpg
http://dailypicksandflicks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Harry-the-pygmy-hippo-calf.jpg
http://marketeer.kapost.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/so-whats-your-point-meme_zpsa4e7e48d.jpg
sometimes when i feel that way i think of my mind as a video game and go shoot up the monsters. it works for me. (i’m NT but sandwiched between with aspie parents and aspie kid)
That is interesting… Most of us on the spectrum don’t have that control over our minds. I wish I did.
Most of us don’t have that control… mainly because we don’t try. However, it is very possible to train thought… and it has been my experience (and that of the experts) that we have the ability to train out thoughts better than the average NT. Primarily because we tend to be more self aware of the thought patterns that cause issues.